There is a common misconception about Dominant Women. It’s probably fed by the idea society has of the Dominatrix in black leather, wielding a whip as she surveys her kingdom, popping into her dungeon where her submissive male wiggles in anticipation of the pain that has drawn him to Mistress in the first place, and then having administered her dominance over him, walks out of the dungeon, leaving him behind, all beaten and tied up. Diminished, humiliated, happy. Her task temporarily completed. For the moment at least…
The only leather outfit I have are a pair of wicked black boots, and a pair of leather trousers that I have been known to wear to parties and what not. That’s about it, but then again, I am not a Dominatrix, people don’t pay me lots of money to be whipped, tied, humiliated, dominated…
Besides, I wouldn’t like being a Dominatrix because this would imply that there would be no sex between my subs and I! No! This would NOT be good for me. I am too sensual, too sexual for that. Still… I can be as Sadistic as my sub requires!
I am a Domme and my male partner is a sub. And no we don’t have a private dungeon, although we do have lots of toys and tools that one might find in said dungeon. We both LOVE BDSM…
And as a result, have lots of sex… (notice the “as a result” part of that statement though, because it is an important part.)
As the leader in our relationship, I embrace my dominance and truly enjoy it. The truth is, I love to be in control of myself and my surroundings, and that includes the men that I choose to share my life with.
Since I am talking about relationship, I am only ever in a monogamous relationship with one person. I don’t do swinging, am not poly amorous, don’t have extra marital affairs. I am a one woman one man type of gal and the only difference is that ours is a D/s type of a relationship. (More on this later)
As a rule, a Dominant person can ever be truly dominant if there is the right chemistry between her and her sub. And whilst I am breaking the prisms of conventional wisdom, a submissive is nobody’s doormat either. My sub is very independent, strong-willed, even stubborn and supremely confident in whom he is.
A sub is not a slave although a submissive who is well trained will do anything to please his Mistress. And he will do so willingly. I don’t coerce my sub to do anything. I encourage him, and the rest is up to him.
Submission doesn’t come from weakness, stupidity or material needs. It can only happen as the result of the opening of one’s soul, the willingness to become vulnerable and exposed. When a person submits to another, when my sub submits to me, he is entrusting himself to me entirely. There is no greater gift that he could give me than his gift of trust and the service and devotion (his!) that ensues.
A Dominant Woman, Domme, is a person who has supreme sense of self confidence, who is capable of taking control but is not a control freak, without being a jerk or a bully. There is a difference between being a true Dominant and domineering.
As a Domme, I have been known to tie my man up, bring the toys out, the whips and what not, but that is not all that a Dominant Female is. (More on sex in a D/s relationship later)