Category Archives: D/s Lifestyle

I Am A Dominant Wife – And Little Hubby Man Loves It

My little husband always knew that I was a dominant woman. After all, I am the one who seduced him one evening at our local pub, and I have been in control of him ever since. Being dominant comes easily for me. You could say it’s in my nature to dominate and little hubby man loved everything about it. He loved the reversal of roles and was uniquely turned on by the idea that as a dominant female, I was the “predator” and he the “prey”.

It was the best of both worlds for us. I am Top, my favorite position, and he is bottom, also a favorite of mine. But anyone who’s experimented with the whole Dominance / submissive lifestyle will tell you that is an ongoing learning process, both for the person who submits, but also, (even more so perhaps), for the person who is in control. And this process also requires that both parties, on occasions, switch roles, so that from time to time, when either my little hubby man feels more dominant or I become willing to be his “submissive little girl” for a couple of hours, we do switch. It’s a unique experience which enables us to keep our perspective intact and gives us a wonderful insight into what it is that makes us who we are.

If anything, these “switching” experiments confirm that I just love to be in control, and I am really comfortable with being who I am. A really dominant woman. As for the little hubby man of mine, assuming the ephemeral role of dominance only to relinquish it shortly thereafter re-affirms what he has always known, after he met me. He loves to feel my power, my control and the aftermath of those reversals always brings about the more intense sex we ever have.

It is when he returns to being what he was born to be, that my husband tells me he wants me to take even more complete control over him. I suppose it is a natural reaction, as if his mind is telling him off for the fact that he tried to be someone he is not meant to be. Even as part of role play which we indulge in during our power exchange games. It is a very sweet time for me as well since he becomes much more subservient then he already is, treats me like his main purpose in life is to serve me, which women are are dominant will tell you they are of course entitled to.

It is also after one of those sessions that I introduced him to bondage for the first time. And to pain, as a reward for being such a good little hubby boy! Bondage and pain, in our case always comes with sex, but sex, as any BDSM couple will tell you, is not the main reason why people who are in that lifestyle indulge in this delicious activity. In fact, I know couples who are really into BDSM and for whom sex (or sexual / physical gratification) in not the driving force in their relationship.

Still for this dominant woman, and her little hubby man, sex is definitely something we love to have, and in our case, BDSM is something we use to make things more “challenging”.

So yes! Being me is really lovely.  And little hubby loves me for it.

Male Submission – The Slave

Male Submission - Male in BondageWhenever I speak about male submission, particularly to my married couple friends, I always get the same reaction as if to say that male submission is really an impossibility and (clearly), I am taking my fantasies for realities.

It’s funny really because whiles the men will snicker and make derisory comments, it’s really quite palpable that deep down they know exactly which side the are really on.  In other words, they know who the submissive is in their relationship but are unwilling to say it out loud.

Now let me be clear about this.  Not all men are submissive.  There are indeed some men who exhibit inherent dominant attributes, but in my personal experience give me any man, and eventually I’ll have him “eating out my hand!.  And the only reason for that is well… Basically, intrinsically, men can be manipulated, controlled to do just about anything a woman wants, and that control begins in bed.

Yes, that’s right.  It’s always about the sex!  Control your man in bed, use all the tools at your disposal and you, my female friend, will be the Queen of your domain, including your man!

So yes… Even if not all men are submissive by nature, you can bet your darned strapon that all men have it within themselves to be just that.  Male Submission is a wonderful thing, especially when you hitherto Dominant male agrees to become your slave!

But what is a slave in this context?

Of course, far from me to evoke imagery of times gone by (thankfully), but in Dominant / sub relationships a male slave is a person who enjoys the dynamics that this particular (D/s) lifestyle provides them with.  They love to be treated as a “sub-human” so to speak, a person who’s status is lower than that of his Dominant “owner”.

Not all male subs are slaves of course, and in fact some of my subs don’t like this label one bit. Likewise for that other word that I sometime use: The Worm! Now I have to confess that there very few instances when I will call any of my subs a “worm” unless the right circumstances call for it.

How a slave behaves and how does a Dominant expect her slave to behave varies from Woman to Woman of course.

For some who are not in the D/s lifestyle, any expected behavior on the part of the slave is always confined to sexuality.  In that context, the male is merely a sub, and not a slave (or worm).  Calling my lover a slave and a worm during sex is highly erotic though, both for “it” and for me as well.  Why else would I even bother?

But in a real D/s lifestyle, a slave might have a set of rules that he is bound to obey.  Mine include tough guidelines. For example:

  1. Slave accepts that his life will be lead and controlled exclusively by me, his Dominant Woman.
  2. Slave will help as much as it can with the decisions pertaining to the running of the household.
  3. Slave will not sit on furniture unless specifically authorized to do so.
  4. Slave will find the appropriate balance between proper and abject submission.

etc….

I personally have 17 rules that any slave of mine has to sign on before I take him on as a slave.  Indeed with me Male Submission has to be earned.  Any man can be submissive.  True male submission is a form of art, as close to perfection as possible.

The difference(s) between a slave and a worm

To the uninitiated this might sound like a crazy question, but if you are reading this article, you are either:

  • A woman interested in becoming a Dominant
  • A submissive man

So here are the things that I would do to a worm, and not necessarily a slave.

  1. Treat “it” with disdain
  2. Confine him to lay on the floor
  3. Kick “it” – yes, even its private part

Or course there are hard limits… There are lines that can never be crossed. A Dominant Woman must never harm her worm.  Breaking bones is a big no no in any BDSM setup.  And there are soft limits as well,  mostly insisted upon by the worms themselves.  Like certain actions, particularly in the bathroom, and there are men who are very much into male submission who will only accept to submit to one person only (The Mistress) and not to any other Dominant men or women she might be friends or intimate with.

I a next article I will taking about why submissive men want to be a slave or even a worm.

In the meantime, i hope this article has answered at least some of your question. I you have a particular question you would like me answer, please post it in the comment section below.

Confessions of a Dominant Woman

Dominatrix_on_TrialThere is a common misconception about Dominant Women. It’s probably fed by the idea society has of the Dominatrix in black leather, wielding a whip as she surveys her kingdom, popping into her dungeon where her submissive male wiggles in anticipation of the pain that has drawn him to Mistress in the first place, and then having administered her dominance over him, walks out of the dungeon, leaving him behind, all beaten and tied up. Diminished, humiliated, happy. Her task temporarily completed. For the moment at least…

The only leather outfit I have are a pair of wicked black boots, and a pair of leather trousers that I have been known to wear to parties and what not. That’s about it, but then again, I am not a Dominatrix, people don’t pay me lots of money to be whipped, tied, humiliated, dominated…

Besides, I wouldn’t like being a Dominatrix because this would imply that there would be no sex between my subs and I! No! This would NOT be good for me. I am too sensual, too sexual for that. Still… I can be as Sadistic as my sub requires!

I am a Domme and my male partner is a sub. And no we don’t have a private dungeon, although we do have lots of toys and tools that one might find in said dungeon. We both LOVE BDSM…

And as a result, have lots of sex… (notice the “as a result” part of that statement though, because it is an important part.)

As the leader in our relationship, I embrace my dominance and truly enjoy it. The truth is, I love to be in control of myself and my surroundings, and that includes the men that I choose to share my life with.

Since I am talking about relationship, I am only ever in a monogamous relationship with one person. I don’t do swinging, am not poly amorous, don’t have extra marital affairs. I am a one woman one man type of gal and the only difference is that ours is a D/s type of a relationship. (More on this later)

As a rule, a Dominant person can ever be truly dominant if there is the right chemistry between her and her sub. And whilst I am breaking the prisms of conventional wisdom, a submissive is nobody’s doormat either. My sub is very independent, strong-willed, even stubborn and supremely confident in whom he is.

A sub is not a slave although a submissive who is well trained will do anything to please his Mistress. And he will do so willingly. I don’t coerce my sub to do anything. I encourage him, and the rest is up to him.

Submission doesn’t come from weakness, stupidity or material needs. It can only happen as the result of the opening of one’s soul, the willingness to become vulnerable and exposed. When a person submits to another, when my sub submits to me, he is entrusting himself to me entirely. There is no greater gift that he could give me than his gift of trust and the service and devotion (his!) that ensues.

A Dominant Woman, Domme, is a person who has supreme sense of self confidence, who is capable of taking control but is not a control freak, without being a jerk or a bully. There is a difference between being a true Dominant and domineering.

As a Domme, I have been known to tie my man up, bring the toys out, the whips and what not, but that is not all that a Dominant Female is. (More on sex in a D/s relationship later)

Being a Submissive Male

It was my grand mother who said it first and I’ll never forget it for as long as I live:

“Men, (and I don’t care who they are), know that deep down they are submissive!”

Submissive-MaleI was a 12 or 13 old girl when this old and wise un-assuming woman, (a picture of the all American work-at-home Mother who’s job it was to look after a family, the house, her husband) said this to me, one afternoon as she was putting the final touches to some ironing she had planned on doing that day.

For a while, I thought she was being fastidious, and so I laughed out loud at her “cheeky” joke only for her to look at me with more intensity than I had ever felt before.

“Don’t laugh” she warned! “They act all grand and powerful but they wouldn’t be able to survive one week without the authority of a woman and if women knew how to exploit that weakness in their character, men would no longer spend untold amount of energy trying to deny that deep down yes, they were submissive males, and yes, they’d really love it.”

I remember this conversation as if it had taken place yesterday, and yet if was nearly 30 years ago.  And even though I didn’t fully grasp the full meaning of what my old Grandma was saying it was enough for my young and avidly curious mind to start raising questions as to the dynamics that exist between men (the so called stronger sex) and us women (the so called weaker sex) and from that point on, I started paying attention!

And as I went through my teenage years, onto college, the work force and then ultimately motherhood, I began to understand exactly what she meant!

Men need the authority of a female presence in their life, and without it, without that authority, that order they would feel a sense of emptiness in their life. In order words, men NEED to be submissive

But it is something for a woman to know that men are needy creatures looking to be dominated by their wife, but quite another to actually act on it, and it took a divorce from my first husband to decide that if I was ever going to let another man into my life, it would have to be on my terms.

My next male partner would have to agree to be my submissive, in the bedroom and elsewhere, and if he didn’t want to be a submissive male, I would simply find one who would!

And with that in mind, I joined a dating site and the first thing I wrote was:

Alpha Woman seeks handsome and manly submissive man for a life of happiness!

Within two days, my inbox was full!  Men had something to say.  And whilst some of the responses I got were derisory and even insulting, the vast majority were wholly agreeable to the idea of becoming my sub.

A few months later, one of these “sub” males became my husband and we have been living a life of bliss ever since!

Of course it helped that I set the rules from the beginning and men knew exactly what to expect from me from the moment they contacted me.  The nature of my profile was self explanatory, men knew that I was looking for a submissive, and the submissive males responded.  It was that easy.

A married friend of mine was reminding me of this fact the other day, saying that I was “lucky” as I was able to start my new life from a “clean slate” but not all women where in that position.

She had a valid point of course.  So I suggested that she showed my website to her husband one day, without telling him it was mine, Just leave it there for him to look at, and judge his reaction. Or lack thereof!

A couple of weeks later she called me on the phone!  “you remember what you told me about showing your site to my husband?” she said excitedly!  “Well I did, and I cannot even begin to tell you how it has affected him!  Took him a few days to say it, but the other night, during dinner he said something to me that was absolutely incredible!”

“He said that he could see the attraction!!!”

And guess what?  My friend bought the Miss Young Secrets of Submission Course!